Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Where does the time go?

I was sitting out by the pool last night, and it occured to me that is has already been seven years since I graduated from high school. Where has the time gone? I still haven't finished college. I need to. I want to. It's just hard to do it with two little ones to take care of now. Will I ever find the time? My life is now filled with feeding babies, changing diapers, and making owies go away. But what about what I want? Will I ever be able to find that happy, middle ground where I get to be myself and still be a great mom? This is something I have been struggling with a lot lately. I love that I get to stay home with Logan and Brett. But I find myself feeling upset at the fact that I still haven't gotten to work as a paramedic, and I have been certified for almost 2 years. Then I feel guilty for wanting to go back to work, because I know that my babies need me. So what do I do?

I used to be the over-achiever. I worked 2 jobs and went to school full time. And I did that while I was pregnant. Now I can't even finish my self-study classes. What has happened to me? I used to love the challenge of having to find the time to do anything. Now I have plenty of time but can't seem to get anything done. I'm hoping that sometime soon, I will figure out what I need to do in order to feel like I'm doing the right thing again. I want to be a great mom, but does that mean I have to sacrifice something I love in order to do it? I need to find a balance... Soon!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I TOTALLY understand how you feel!! You need to be Tiffany, too... not just mommy.. I wish I had the answers for you, but if you figure it out first, let me in on the secret!